ch-ch-ch-changes

sorry for the bowie reference in the subject. the subject ‘changes’ seems to fit my vibe, mood, headspace, situation, etc., lately. I’ve posted a lot lately on my struggles with addiction (and possible mental illness)…that’s one thing that I’d like to change. when I first started blogging, I wasn’t quite sure what direction this blog would take. I like the fact that it’s direction will be directly related to what’s going on inside my head – in my minds eye.

I haven’t done blow for a week or so now…I don’t even want to look at a calendar and try to figure out when the last time was…either way, it was at least a week ago. the sad part is that if I wasn’t so freakin’ broke, I’d have likely partied at least once last week. I just have really reached then end – financially. which actually means that “M”, my source, has also reached the end of her finances – caused directly because of me and my addiction…my illness…my whatever the fuck this thing is that fuck up my entire life and everything in it…

back to changes – I’m moving out of my apartment – to be closer to a specific person. this is a very, very good thing. a very, very positive thing. thing is, I need to get a job in this new city. I’ve had successful interviews…will likely find out if I scored the gig(s) next week. fingers crossed…I have some funding for my move – as I’m sure the reader knows, moves are a big freakin’ hassle and very expensive…at least I have that funding…it looks like I’ll have to put my stuff in storage until I get confirmation on getting an apartment. I’ve looked at a few, some available on sept 1 and some available on oct 1. obviously I want the one available sept 1 as I need to move this week!!

so – so far, I’m moving to “W” but don’t have a job or an apartment. only someone as fucked up as I could find themselves in a fucked up position such as this. the reader may relate…some readers may not. the latter, I envy you, you just don’t understand nor comprehend how mentally fucked up or addiction afflicted people are or how/why the act the way they do…anyway – the only thing I can do I stay positive, send out good vibes and basically just hope for the best.

now playing: starsailor ‘music was saved’ (from “silence is easy”)